just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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