i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
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No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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