ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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