i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
do nipples grow back?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
