Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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