Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
