dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Randomize
