Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
