Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize