its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
