I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Operation Purity has been aborted
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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