Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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