I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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