I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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