is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
