they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
