Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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