xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
