Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My breasts were aching with rage.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
