I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
