You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
