Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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