I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
