just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
