I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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