I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
