if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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