oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
