quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
