I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
