im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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