I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
