After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
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So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
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I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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