think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
