Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
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You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
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I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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