Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
