I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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