He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
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Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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