Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
