His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
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I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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