im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
