They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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