Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
