Swine flu. Run for my life!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
