I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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