so explain again why im purple
no
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
