I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
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I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
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He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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