Christians are straight up FREAKS
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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