How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i now understand why vodka
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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