So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
