Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize