He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
