he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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