Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
