SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Houston, we have a blender
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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