Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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