All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
