Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
