Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
