the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
