Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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