just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
