Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
