It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
