Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
