you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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