you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
