either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
A bitchslap is in order.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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