I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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