I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
