I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
