u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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