I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
