Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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