just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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