He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
