shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
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He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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