I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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