Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
