I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
