cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Randomize
