Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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