I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
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He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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