Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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